So in order to appreciate the full loveliness of this BUMP-y road... we must start from the beginning--
My mister has been my mister for 7 years now.. we were lucky enough to know each other most of our lives. We've known each other since middle school- been on multiple vacations together before we even started dating- and then our senior year of high school the stars aligned and we started our journey together. After only 8 months of dating I said yes to his proposal. A year later we bought a house together. Another year later we said I do! and moved in together starting our marriage in our hometown.
Three and a half years in we decided we wanted to fill the rooms of our house with more love- which began our BUMP-y road. We started out confident that pregnancy would strike quickly because my family is known for fertility (be careful walking in the same room with these people you may come out with a baby)! Our huge family was growing by minutes with announcements coming almost once a month.. which of course made the pregnancy itch that much stronger. Four months into trying I had a suspicion that maybe something was wrong- call it impatience or mother's intuition.
I went in for my doctor visit with questions and uncertainty. Luckily I was met with prayer and guidance that I know was straight from the Lord. My doctor ran tests and recommended a devotional book as well as a book on contentment. God began working on my heart right then. I was searching for something to fill my heart when my heavenly Father already had it. I struggled with idolizing pregnancy. Being completely honest I thought about the idea more than I should. It became what I revolved my life around. Slowly I began to realize this but still played tug o' war with my heart.
After getting results back from my doctor that I had hypothyroidism, I was comforted in knowing that there was a problem and it could be fixed. With multiple months of trying to "dial in" the correct dosage (all which came with no pregnancy) we finally seemed to level off my hormones. This of course came with the new hope of new life. I had gotten to a place of frustration and total impatience and decided that the mister and I needed a BREAK! :) Not from each other- but together doing something we had never done together. We planned a cruise in a week and a half got all of our savings for "future baby" and carpe diam-ed our way to the Bahamas. This trip was exactly what we needed and it came at our 4 year anniversary. We celebrated us. We celebrated what may just be us forever and realized that what God had given us was already too much. He is a good God- and we came to be content with our lives that God had given us. For once our focus changed and it became on Him and us and the present.
A month later and a missed cycle- came excitement like we had never experienced before. Our minds began planning at the first sign of two strong pink lines. It was finally our turn. We scheduled our first appointment and knew we wouldn't be able to hold the news in long. We already had so many people praying for us that we wanted everyone to be able to celebrate the great news. We went to our first appointment at 6 weeks and saw our little spot. It was beautiful. Our lives changed right there in that ultrasound room. Our life became bigger than we could imagine. We announced to our family the following Sunday and they were surprised and overjoyed with plans of being the best grandparents. We told all of our friends dialing every number as quickly as possible. We announced on social media and had all this love just pouring in. Our hearts were overflowing.
That Friday came. Just 5 days after announcing. And the pain came from a place that I knew wasn't normal. I was losing that little life. I went to the doctor alone not wanting the mister to be scared or disappoint him. Went to the same ultrasound room and confirmed that our little spot was no longer there. Too many emotions hit. Embarrassment. Fear. Loss. Anger. Disappointment. Shame and countless other emotions and I hadn't even told my husband yet. I immediately told him. Left work. Called my mom and went home to my man to rest. He was just as upset as me and our hearts were shattered. We let our family and friends know and asked for prayer. We didn't know what to do. So we cried. Alot of life changing things happened that day. Our love for the Lord reached a supernatural level. We had nothing else to depend on. We were both too weak. God made our love for each other more complex more beautiful than ever. We only had His love. He entered this house and blessed us with comfort and peace. I will never forget that feeling. I had never felt so let down and so lifted up in my life.
More doctors visits and months of avoiding the topic. We slowly stopped letting it be every thought of every day. Somewhere in the obsession of depression I asked God to please distract us. We needed something good to focus on. We found comfort in church and doing things together and my favorite pasttime.. looking at houses. A new dream was born. We decided that IF we were to bring a new life into this world we would love to be in a neighborhood filled with other lives!
This is pretty much the preface of where we are now.
God is good- His plan is good and our trust in Him grows everyday.
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time." 1 Peter 5:6
