Week 20

Can we do a victory lap!!?? We're halfway there!!! So incredily surreal! God is good! It hit me today over and over how good He is. Our church service brought me back to last August- today we sang "It is Well with my soul" and "Ten Thousand Reasons".. Both songs address worshipping God when it's the last thing you want to do. I don't want to keep harping on our miscarriage but honestly the Lord is mending my heart through this still and I'm hoping it gives someone encouragement. When you face a loss, it is really hard to see any sort of light. This is why you ask people to pray for you. I don't mean to pray for your well-being. I mean asking them to step into your shoes, take on your burden, and pray for you. Because it is hard to pray when you're mourning. In fact the only thing I could pray at those moments was that someone was praying for me. Someone to say the words that I couldn't. And some one was or ten people. I was blessed with worship music that filled my thoughts. It wasn't something I wanted to do or felt that it was time to do- all I know is.. that is what I did. I layed on the couch in our living room and listened to worship music. Someone was commanding my soul to worship the Lord when I simply couldn't do it. These songs are both about this- what are you going to worship when its hard?. Like I said I couldn't do this on my own nor do I take credit for those moments of worship- honestly I felt like I needed to cry and mope and I felt like I deserved to. It was very confusing- because my heart was in a true battle of worship. I didn't really comprehend it until today when our pastor brought it to life. I don't think God intends for us to go through hard things and put on a happy face and go on with life. He expects us to grieve, to be mad, to hurt- otherwise it wouldn't be hard. But that's also when He makes us strong. It's when the devil is defeated. It's about a choice that even when your hurting- we hold on to a hope, we see a light, and we choose to make that priority over it all.
Today was just a great day of worship.
It was also a great day of rest! :) We hosted a lingerie shower at our house yesterday for my sweet cousin and went out for bachelorette festivities last night. The whole week my mind was racing of the things I needed to do before Saturday. And let me tell you... Friday I realized I needed to make a list of all the last minute things that needed to be done. LISTS ARE IMPORTANT! If it doesn't get written down- it doesn't get done. It's both hilarious and frustrating- I just hope the people around me are forgiving because my brain is like a pin ball bouncing around. We had so much fun celebrating and I'm so thankful for all the help I had from my mom and sweet cousin. Which brings me to my day of rest. I woke up (after 12 hours of wonderful sleep) and felt like I had run a marathon. My legs were killing me- my head was throbbing- I felt like an old lady. So my butt layed on the couch.. all day and listened to the sweet rain. It was exactly what I needed. And it was a perfect (lame-o) celebration for WEEK 20!!!
At some point in the laziness I looked at Brad and said oh my goodness we only have 4 months left. We shared an excited/scared grin. And I think mr.levi fisher is pretty darn excited too. He has been getting a little bit stronger and I have felt him moving from the outside several times. So we took a celebratory midpoint bump pic tonight...

I feel like my bump is growing more up and down than out-- but I'm sure that's coming! I'm just glad I'm showing. Maybe next week's picture will be a little more exciting-- like I said day of rest.

Changes?

Belly is growing..Due to appetite returning!!! WOOP WOOP! My doc told me I needed to gain 5 lbs by next visit (which is Wednesday) so I don't know if I have or not- I'm just glad I'm eating. I don't weigh myself except for mandatory doc office because if I did I would obsess over that number. Something I'm not interested in obsessing over right now. I'm listening to my body and eating when I'm hungry. I love that his movements are getting stronger, it's so sweet feeling him move around.

(the pitiful sounding) How are you feeling?

:) I feel great peeps. I'm tired some days and others I could lead a kickboxing class. I've had a migraine today- accompanied by sickness- BUT it's nothing I haven't faced before. Just doing it without medicine and treating with rest. Other than that, cue the "I feel good da-nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh". The last thing I want to do is complain about any symptoms! The great days outweigh the bleh days 6-1. I'll take it and be grateful for it.

Prayers?

We go for our anatomy scan Wednesday which is a more detailed ultrasound of little Levi. Praying that he cooperates and shows everything they need to see. Also praying that the Lord directs and guides mine and Brad's dreams. Our hearts want to stay aligned with where He would have us and we're praying for His clarity and guidance.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."- Colossians 3:23

Just a needed reminder of who our Provider is.